Compare Results — Relapse

Day 36 — It’s a Countdown

This article is fresh off indulgence — had wanted to practice restraint till the last day but I did not. No explanations as to why I did it.

But, I will continue this figurative journey — I will skip count for 2 days and resume the countdown — The purity of the results are jeopardized.

I think the greatest take away from all this so far is that perhaps my life will not change that much. I still felt the insecurities I felt 10 days ago. I felt doubt, all the things that pertain my ‘normal’ existence. I have the bliss with me, it is a whole other thing. The pleasure I seek is of the mind, bliss is from place X, beyond the mind which I don’t know.

Good thing about this journey so far, this journey that could be a farce is that I have not had inner conflicts about it, I didn’t feel like I was forcefully restraining myself from indulging in it. In fact when I relapsed I was aware that I was seeking it out, I wanted it somehow, to quench my lingering boredom which movies and music could not fill out

I will resume the countdown after 2 days. What I want to see is if I will still have the restrain to stay away within this two days. Just naturally. In the past it has happened that when I relapsed, I went all out of control with it till I reached a point when I obviously felt the negative consequences of the habit in the short term, then that would incent me to quit once again. It has been cyclical.

Let’s see what happens. In terms of satisfaction, I don’t see much change really, I am more or less same old me.

‘‘…unless the system is implemented to the teeth, you will never know how well it could have worked….’’ — Remember this.