Cutting Corners

I just listened to one of Joel Osteen’s sermons — The Rewards of Integrity https://youtu.be/iJLLJK4R5qk. I have been made to see how I have cut corners in my life and used dishonest means to attain certain ends and their effects on me. The ones that I recall vividly are;

I. Cheating in exams in high school — I was a smart kid, I know I could have done without it but ‘because everybody was doing it’ I did. I remember one girl in particular called Ann, she refused to cheat at all, she was always alone or with other students revising for the exam. Thinking back, I wish I did that — I would have known my true exam results and may be led to a course that was at per. The habit of cheating continued in campus and led to me to not only getting a low grade but also completing campus not having developed much preliminary skill of value to be worthy or feel worthy of a high paying role in a job setting. Or one that could lead to high paying role.

II. Accepting use of a fake insurance cover despite having enough money to afford a real one, and not following due contractual process in employing the rider for my motorbike. I lost my motorbike and therefore thousands of money invested and the rider got badly injured and fighting for his health. I don’t know if these outcomes are directly connected to the early stated but I am 100% sure things could have gone differently if I avoided those mistakes.

Others include,

• gambling to make money — I lost way more than I won. I was disgusted by myself that I could put a whole ksh.500 to gambling and only contribute a mere ksh.50 to church offering or skip paying my NHIF contribution of ksh.500 mind you or refuse to pay for the security fee charged in the estate I live in. Such a contemptuous and self disrespectful act, may be it is the reason why God is holding my blessing, I have not displayed that I am a worthy candidate.
• watching and masturbating to pornography — It edged out my natural drive to want interact with real girls and therefore have real sex.
• and ‘ the seemingly insignificant’ ways I have been dishonest such as that time I didn’t report an extra item they forgot to charge at the supermarket, using work hours for personal entertainment, the small lies here and there, etc…

Cutting corners, dishonesty and employing underhanded methods to attain certain outcomes has proven to constantly not work for the best, it has embarrassed me, put me in awkward situations, set me on paths that are away from attaining something of value for me and other in life, compromised who I am as a person, poked holes in my character, led to an existence lacking discipline, and compromise in many areas.

These things are changing. I have a feeling that 2022 is going to be a big year of breakthroughs for me. I cannot afford not being ready for receive.