I don’t know what it is that will stop me. Lately, it has been prayers and sort of a conscious attempt to stop myself but it failed after 5 weeks, then it became stopping because of nose bleeding which worked for 48hrs. This actually might be the reason that will make me stop — it is a first hand non fabricated consequence which overtime I have observed to directly correlate with the indulgence, although my mind says you nose bled because you indulged too much, if you could just tone it down a little it can work. This is the line of thinking that pulls me back in…

It seems like every time a method develops for me to stops, it works for a while then it loses it’s might. But, I will never stop exploring until it gets to a point where it stops totally. I don’t want treatments I want a cure — ( this statement is borrowed from Kapil’s work ). I am yet to see something that automatically causes a natural repulsion or aversion towards this habit in a sustainable manner. It has happened a few times. When it did, it went for a few days, then my mind sort of forgot or the desire to go back strengthened and swept me back.

This is where I am…