I don’t love you, I am just scared of leaving you.

I recite all the reasons why we shouldn’t be together in my head but when I see you I don’t muster enough courage to say.

I would be left with the less prettier end of the stick, and it would be my own doing.

I am protective of you out of jealousy not love, I would walk away without feeling a thing if I had the upper hand like you do.

This thing we got going on is messed up, but these words are not strong enough to stop me from buying you flowers.

I say yes to escape your scorn, I tremble when I know I am in bad books with you.

I am disturbed by how I careless that I am on a budget when I spend on you…I am not best at math but I know this is not sustainable.

Compounding on the negative.

I am concerned that even after admitting such to myself, I will keep forging ahead the same trajectory.

Only 2 people have asked me to take caution, the rest of my friends say we look good together, they applaud…there deepens my grave. Now I don’t want to disappoint them too.

I lie, I lie, I am liar, I sugar coat the way I feel, and send surrogate responses, and justify that I don’t want to risk losing you, or feeling your scorn.

I know in my heart that I won’t end up with you as a wife,…I have even told you this. But still…