I Want Money

So does everyone right? One could throw this back at me…

I seriously want money, I feel like I will still not be free from material constrains if I do not have it. Money will buy me freedom in the material world, it will allow me to have more control over how I spend my time. I won’t have to be in places that I do not want at any given time — unless I absolutely have to. It will also allow me to keep practicing my passions without the ulterior motive of wanting to make money out of them. I feel like if I turn my passions to money makers I will choke the fun in them.

I have slipped back to the world of sports betting with this in mind — off to a tough start but I won’t quit till I get what I am looking for. It is attainable. I spin this wheel of wanting to win money and the other of keeping my expectation and hopes minimum. The nature of sports betting is of statistical chance and luck. Where these two meet things go well. In the past, greed and emotional investment in the bets caused me to lose a lot — they spawned poor decisions. I wasn’t in control of these two but now I am. I lose, I’m ok, I win I’m ok.

I am not for getting a 9–5 job either. If I lost my job now I would live off savings as I figure things out. 9–5 jobs definitely kills my spirit, I have not had a positive experience from them so far. I don’t mind my current job, I am mostly free and I earn enough to pay bills and save. I desire to earn more money so that I won’t have to worry about money anymore. Money is the only big missing piece in my life right now — without it I won’t take on anymore responsibilities for the simple reason that it would force me to live beyond my means. I cannot afford to date right now, dating in the city needs money. Even to have a girlfriend alone would still stretch me a lot. I will love to have a level of money that would easily cover the expenses of my girl.

My constrains to access the girls I desire for a long time was not having my own place, now money is the only thing left. These are factors that might not necessarily be true for everyone else but they are for me — I have these things hardwired in my psyche; the only way to solve them is to have them. To rationalize or psychologize them away wouldn’t work. Even if I do, the world will bring them to my face. I wouldn’t be able to deny.

The destination creates the avenue. This is a truth I picked from Kapil Gupta’s work. Where do you want to go? What do you want? Who do you want to be? These three question are instrumental in uncovering the destination — there are people who will seek how to’s to those destinations and there are those like me who will let the destination create the how — not in some positive psychology-self help-manifest-law of attraction-just sit on the couch and wait way — I have seen the futility of how to’s. How to’s beyond for basic mechanical things have failed me. The things I have truly attained were through some messy process that I can’t exactly formulate to an how to from them. There are subtleties, nuances and intangibles to them that are not totally knowable and transmissible.

That is the kind of way I would know that I have arrived at earning more money…