IMPlications of The Red Pill

After a few heartbreaks and breaking hearts a man becomes receptive to content of tips and tricks of intersexual dynamics. The red pill as it is referred in the manosphere. He get introduced to terminologies and the lingo of the sphere and ‘radical ideas’ in the context of the new comer. Information that will in the beginning cause anger and grief at first because of their bluntness, but in time start to find a place in ones’ psyche.

I have been on of those guys, the earliest I started to consume content in that sphere was in 2018–19 there about after the heartbreak from my first relationship. Before that I had never experienced the pain of heartbreak — and it was bile painful. It shook me, and made me receptive to the red pill content. Among the first work I studied was Rollo Tomassi’s The Rational Male series.

I don’t regret the info and transformation I got from the content, however there have been implications. The biggest among them is an inferiority complex that has come from attaching my value to achievements, resources (money) and competencies. This has further degenerated to sheer insecurity.

I feel the effect of this everyday, even as I write this. In red pill content, it is claimed that women don’t settle for men who they perceive to be the same level or below them, they date up. This has made me to mentally gauge myself in that sense and put myself in a certain level according to that parameter.

Because of this I disqualify myself whenever I perceive that a woman is on a ‘higher’ level than me. Hence shrunk the pool of women I can date, also in my mind I have an exaggerated idea of who a high value women is. I get very insecure — and I automatically assume that I will be rejected because of my economic status, or utility — sooner or later. Which quite frankly is not even that bad — my mind blows it up to seem bad by laying comparison with others. It has made me a closed person — more judgmental and downright petty.

I feel a sense of animosity towards the females I perceive to be of high level than me or the flipside which is bending down too low. There are many rules that I have imposed on myself and have brought an effect I can’t deny, I feel the negative side, that side that works I can’t feel that much. Just like in the body, the part that has an injury is felt more than the healthy part.

Examples are -:

I feel intimidated by women who earn more than me, or who are on a career path that is or I perceive to be more lucrative than mine.

I am hyper attuned to picking out red flags and ‘deal breakers’.

I can’t date women who have many piercings, tattoos, older than me with kid, crazy sexual past, narrowed down tribes I can date from also, etc.

I somehow believe that I have to spend big to win a woman’s affection. From the premise of ‘ in order to get something, you have to give something of value’ — which is probably true in some contexts.

I have a fixed view on women, I have no exception hence a lot of misperception about who the person is.

etc.

The basic being that I miss out on the humanness of the individual. I lead with demands and not service. I feel the ego of having given such and such or done such and such for her. It has gone down to a very mechanical endeavor — where mostly after the thrill of the initial intimacy is over nothing is left but break-up.

I swung to this side obviously as a defense mechanism, and an overcorrection to prevent the pains that have arisen in the past in relationships. The feeling in this moment is that it has caused more inhibition to interact with the opposite sex and regression in the quality of interaction. Because now everything is calculated, every interaction is entered with the precedence of preconceived notions and assumptions that are not necessarily true. Every interaction becomes a continuation from where I stopped last and not a new endeavor. Every human being is unique, instead of exploring that, I begin with what is already imbibed.

This way of looking at ultimately and even in the now fails because the factors influencing are not intrinsic but picked up from outside, hence not authentic, they are from a script, not from the heart. Not how I actually feel inside.

This is my conundrum…