I am moved towards the antithetical ways of life. The choice of words here is to say that it is not a doing of mine. This is not attempt to be mystical though it may seem so. Claiming that it might be a doing of mine would be untrue because there are no concrete reasons for the way my life happens the way it does. This is not to accord my experience any specialty either , I theorize that this is actually the way everybody’s life happens when examined closely.
When a person moves away from falsity and starts to imbibe truth the number of lies he realizes he is been told and made to believe is astounding. He is likely to be enraged and hence abandon all this lies all at once. The price to pay is being a nobody because who is he without my these things he has believed or been made to believe?
He will be blissful for a while , but the sweet memories of the lies will call him , he will be tempted to go back to ignorance , he will want to do it , he will do it , he will realize only that those things he ones milked to give his life meaning have nothing to offer him. He cannot undo what he has seen. The tricks of the magician don’t work on him anymore. He will think that he is writing for people but he is writing for himself. Though there might be a presence of an audience he only speaks to himself
He will suffer , he will be alone despite being with people. He will try to blend in , and go back to normalcy he will realize the ‘normalcy’ he is going back to is madness. He will try to communicate his realizations to the world and he will fail. He will try to find those who is one the same path with , he will read books to try let his mind catch up to his new realization but he will fail too. He will have no choice but to realize that the people no matter how close to him have no clue what has happened to him. He will seek advise , he will realize that all advise is utter nonsense , he is moved be the things he is moved by , and he can’t help being that way.
He will suffer the wasting of his time participating in utter nonsense , he will gossip , follow trends , have so called friends but he sees through the emptiness and meaninglessness of it all. He will suffer at every turn , every submission to some authority , everything he has to do. He knows deep down he doesn’t have to pay for things with his life anymore.
He will try to seek relationships , he will see the pointlessness of it all. He will see no point of inviting endless pain into his life. He will see the rarity of such occurrences in his life and he will realize in the end that there is no option for him to move alone , be alone regardless of the price to pay. This is his only way to be , he will realize that he has no choice in the matter. The world will prove to him that it can’t be otherwise. Everything he will touch , pursue will only bring him disappointment. He will realize that his asceticism is inevitable.
— -written ahead of time — -