It is Done, Before IT is Done

This piece is written in the midst of ground nut roasting, full plate of food getting cold because I couldn’t have a scoop before this article was done.

This is an honest and vulnerable piece, that is an exposé of the depths of my psyche.

It is an admission of my shortcomings.

It is done before it is done, this is an idea I originally learned from Kapil Gupta’s work — which basically means that one deep down knows if something is going to workout or not from the very onset.

It is not a prediction of doom, it is an observation drawn from personal experience.

A human being never let’s himself have what he doesn’t want. Never!

The falsity comes when he convinces himself to accept what he really doesn’t want. He lives in angst or in the fence the whole time in process of attaining the thing, and even if he does attain it — it provides him no lasting value.

Why do I write this?

What is the inspiration?

What are the inner layers that I am trying to bring to the surface?

What is it the understanding that I am trying to relay?

What is the feeling that I am trying to arise?

I agreed to meet you as a reward of your level of interest in me.

To tell the truth you are among the few people who have shown such level of interest in me.

I actually, you are the only one in a while.

It is heart felt, sincere and serious.

I could tell that it was not just you were bored, it was deeper than that.

I guess what you thought you saw in me dissipated a bit yesterday.

The diamond in the rough.

I was aware of the consequence of that conversation.

A part of my mind wanted that consequence, it was not a coincidence.

The consequence of your level of interest crashing down to the floor. It did.

How do I know? The out of the blue texts don’t come anymore.

The tables turned and the reactionary way I can behave now is to play the game of chasing.

I have a list written of what I want in a woman.

Truth it you check most of them.

Except for one non-negotiable.

Of which I know is superficial, to say the least.

But because I am not free from my mind I know it won’t let me rest if I ignore.

The looks department.

How is it a factor?

Attraction. It might jeopardize my genuine desire towards you.

And without genuine desire for each other a path towards hell is being paved.

This I know for certain.