May be I don’t know Love.

This is another time now in recent past that there was an obvious opportunity to reciprocate, in the slightest of ways. Last time we talked, I asked you to acknowledge my messages because It makes me feel bad if you don’t. You said you would make an effort. Later that week I texted and I got the blue ticks. Really? Come on. It can’t be that bad.

Then another instance I called we talked then the conversation ended , then later I called again you didn’t pick up and you didn’t express bother to call back. I might have had something to say.

Then again I called we talked, laughed then you hang up saying you would call back. You didn’t.

It hard to erase that day you couldn’t hug me but could do a 100+kg deadlift.

Since I like you with emotions involved, and I have told you this. Whenever I talk to you, I chat with you, It makes me feel great — I enjoy it. I feel complete. But the other side is just bitter.

It is like a get a doze of pleasure then assault, this is how relating with you has been lately. I don’t want you to change that because that behaviour is a genuine response in some way. It is a statement in action. It says something covertly. As much as I might not welcome the bitterness of the message, I have no choice but to accept it because I do not wish to continue living like this.

It does not seem to get better, because I am ever falling deeper for you, and depth of my fall is the depth of my sorrow.

My biggest fear is that if at all we end up together and the state of affairs remains like this in any way, I am going to get hurt, even more. Because, of the sort of indifference towards how I feel that I am observing. It is the opposite of empathy. The way it is now, I don’t know if it is happening intentionally or unintentionally. I don’t wish to find out.

I am not even sure if such an admission means anything to you or it is just a comedic piece. You probably will ignore this, or read it and never give a reply, or dismiss it as me being dramatic or whatever. This is how I feel. I am even scared of sharing it. In fact, if I share it I might have done so after withholding it for some time.

Maybe I don’t know love, or If I do, then it is Pain.