Our Sense of Self , ‘ME’ , I , Self Image , Ego & The Underlying…
I have studied , listened to , conversed about and made content about the subject ; spiritual or existential. This is one subject I am drawn to , I can’t stop myself from looking and searching. I learn , relearn and unlearn as I go on — the ‘aha’ moments are intoxicating. I can sense that this is going to be a lifelong delve , may be it can of utility to a few people.
The concept of Self Image — what or who we perceive ourselves to be is big in spirituality. Our who I am-ness. There are many truths and untruth that arise from them. The biggest that has recently come to my attention is about the ego before enlightenment and its fate after enlightenment. Our sense of self or the ego is shaped by all our internal and external perceptions that we identify with. The basics include our name , gender , race , nationality , religion , family , tribe , foods we eat , traditions , level of education , financial levels , lifestyle , life experiences ( positive or negative ) , family , details about us etc. These form who we feel and view ourselves to be and how we present ourselves to the world.
Now , before enlightenment this self image formed by the multiple facets is all we know ourselves to be , and they form the basis by which we build upon. This identity has utility for one to function and relate to others in the world. These identities though useful are problematic because they are informed by externalities which are in constant flux. The individual is bound to build , repair and maintain these identities , anything that diminishes the identity causes the individual to suffer because such is perceived as an attack on ‘ who I am’ , anything that adds to or upholds the self image is invited because it confirms ‘who I am’ and with it comes some pleasure.
In the transition process to enlightenment popularly know as the dark night of the soul , this image of oneself is seen as not primary , not who essentially the human being is. Something else higher is arising , is coming to life and the birth process is painful because we perceive the diminishment of the self image as losing “who I am” as some form of self annihilation— and because the individual doesn’t know what is arising ( it is new ) he is bound to try to salvage whatever they perceive themselves to be and hold on to it — even this will cause more suffering. Once the process takes effect , there is no stopping it. It is sort of like glacier collapse that sweeps everything downhill in its path. There is nothing the individual can do about it. Getting to the place where this process begins also cannot be relayed by a means of ‘how to’ — in an individuals lifetime , it either happens or it doesn’t. This is not something to aspire towards , any aspiration towards it will only leads one away from it. This is true because NO buddha got enlightenment by means of some ‘ how to ’. Even Christ himself I dare say.
The untruth that are peddled in spiritual literature ( new age ) about what happens after enlightenment is that the ego dies. They term it ego death. This is untrue , as long an individual is alive the ego or the sense of self has utility hence it exists. It serves a purpose — otherwise an individual would not even respond when called by their name. What happens is that the ego identity becomes secondary — subservient to this new realized SELF. The ego’s utility possibly comes to end at death , it dies with the body — and that is the real ego death. It momentarily dissolves in deep dreamless sleep but reasserts itself when we wake up.
The individual realizes who they are primarily , and the ego identity cannot pale in comparison with that realization. It is other worldly , it is only a fellow buddha that can grasp the experience of it when it comes down to it being conceptualized. Conceptualizing it to people who have not had a glimpse is like explaining sweetness or bitterness to someone who has not had a taste of both. The explanation has no use whatsoever if the individual doesn’t have a taste , they can never know.
The truth found in such words in recognized instinctively by the core of who the individual is , something deep within concurs. The mind cannot grasp it in any way that is transformative , it stores it as the story of bitterness and sweetness without having had a taste. It stores it as a believed in fantasy. 💐
