Slipped Into The Moment!

It’s been a while since it happened, meditation to nothingness. By nothingness I mean the temporary disolution of the self, the mind made self.

Then for a moment hours and days I am unbothered by my mental chatter. It’s ideas do not weigh heavy upon me, the lose the ability to cause and emotional upsurge in me.

All this search was inspired by a daunting ache that I have had in my heart area the past few days. It is a emotional type pain — that lingers. Feels like awakening ambers of a heartbreak.

There is no such thing as partial enlightenedment — they say. But that how I feel the case is for me. Awakened happened to me but I am not yet fully transcended the mind. I still oscillate between mind and no mind — the great illusion. I have wished to attain full enlightenment many times, this experience felt something like it today. Meditated for about an hour and the effects of it have lingered till now. I am calm, I feel equanimous and unbothered.

The thing that this state doesn’t bring is end of undesired habits but an unbotheredness about them. I found that arrival at this state is the only time I have experienced true peace. The bitterness, regret, comparison, doubt, inner conflict — type feelings that are normally triggered in me do not arise.

I wish I could stay in this space for the rest of my life. I would live feeling the newness of each moment. It is heaven, the absense of unconditonal inner peace is hell for me. I ran myself mad trying to achieve it but I rarely catch it, even when I do it slips off very quickly and I find myself in a worse state.

No fear, not emotional pains, no mind chatter, not inner conflict…nothing of that sort going on here. I really missed this…