The Ultimate Teacher — One’s Experiences

In my life, I have been involved with five women either in relationship or sex or both. I have come to the realization that what I was seeking in this involvements fundamentally was some form of lasting satisfaction or fulfilment. That was the greatest desire that led me in that direction.

I have also realized that in ALL the 5 instances that fundamental desire was not met. I was left scarred emotionally more than fulfilled in all of them. Most of them, I was the one who was left. Most of them I was the one who was seeking explanations as to why things went the way they went. I was the one seeking to get back, to reignite things. Now, I don’t mean to take the place of the victimized one because truth does not lie in blame. I am stating my observations as they happened.

This implies one great truth, that fulfilment or satisfaction does not lie in this avenue — the avenue of relationships. To seek fulfilment in them is a chase, and because it is a chase it does not lead to anything that pertains lasting satisfaction but only pain — pain that arises because of unfulfilled desires. If relationships really worked why are there a million relationship gurus prescribing fixes online.

It is all a scam.

I have come also to the realization that even finding a girl that has the qualities I am looking for will not fulfil me. A human being does not have the capacity to meet such fundamental and other worldly desires in another.

May this understanding stay with me, so that I may never be blindsided and resort to hope that I can find satisfaction in any subsequent relationships I might have — or believe anyone who will tell me otherwise. You cannot extract water from a rock because it does not live there ( Kapil once wrote ). I am getting to a point in my life where I am losing interest in things that need fixes along the way, things that are empty, things that do not lead to an ultimate arrival at something such as lasting satisfaction, or peace, or freedom…