Where I Err
Holding realizations by the neck is where I err.
Over the course of my days — many realizations come.
When they do, the alleviate or totally remove problems in my life.
Or they bring clarity.
I can honestly say that I have had enough realizations to overcome anxiety or to attain peace but somehow…they fall through some cracks and I am soon back to non peace.
It could be said that it is because the understanding wasn’t deep enough for it to be imbibed permanently and it wouldn’t be false.
But what I think happens is that when I have an epiphany, I hold on to it, I grab it by the neck with an attitude of ‘gotcha’ then sooner or later it stops producing the effect that it originally has because it natural course was interrupted, it seems to revert back to just intellectual understanding or it just disappears altogether.
I have also learned that a realization doesn’t have to have a lasting effect, it doesn’t have rules imposed upon it. It will produce whatever effect to whatever depth it will, and that is it. Some realizations hit once and they are directly imbibed others have to strike several times for them to be internalized. Others do not become imbibed ever.
Kapil would argue that if a realization does not cause a permanent change then the ‘realization’ is false or not fully understood. I agree.
A realization has to be truth not a falsity. It is only the realization of truth that has and will always have the power to transform a human being.